To establish a baseline here, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was 27 and that comes with a whole host of annoying side conditions, like IBS and indigestion, lethargy and so on. When I had a nervous breakdown due to traumatic events, I was treated for mood imbalances, which made me a virtual zombie. I had never been overweight a day in my life and within a few months I had gained 80 pounds. I weaned off of meds and found ways to cope that didn't involve numbing and eating, however, for years I just kept all this weight on, resigned to it. No one hated being fat more than I just for the way it made my chronic pain worse and made me loathe looking in the mirror at this stranger. When I first decided it was time to change, I was 230 lbs.
Funny how that started too because I sprained an ankle stepping off a curb. I knew my weight had caused a normal klutzy mistake to become a bad injury and after letting it heal, I started taking walks. Short at first because it hurt my lower back and I became sore quickly. I'll fast forward a bit here by saying I used healthier food choice, a stationary bike and walking to get down to a healthier 180.
I was close to finishing college when I got tired of being broke and took up a little retail job to make some money. At first, I thought it might help me get more meaningful exercise, but ultimately I ended up standing behind a register most of the time. I developed pain on my heels and calves even with really amazing shoes and compression socks on. After working there 20 months, I ended back up to 215 lbs and unhappy again.
I didn't jump back into weight loss right away. I was wrestling with how to kill a plantar wart (nail polish, ftw! I tried everything and that was the magical solution) and wrestling with how I was going to be able to tolerate exercise again. I was busy trying to see if a crafting business venture might work to keep me distracted while I healed. It took over half a year to realize that I sustained some permanent damage that wasn't just going to go away. By the end of January 2016, I was determined to get started.
I started with an app called Lose It, a calorie counter exercise tracking guide you can personalize. It made the nightmare of calorie counting so much easier. However after getting back down to 15 pounds (and a nasty cold biting into the goals for three weeks), I started feeling discouraged by how hungry I was and the numbers weren't helping. This is where I currently am.
This journey isn't about the perfect diet. I've decided this week that I'm overhauling a lot of things about how I started and I'm going to shift back into the way I first lost weight. I'm sure calorie counting does wonders for people but it often left me unfulfilled and paranoid. I still plan to use the app to record food and exercise because I need the accountability. I've started this week with a stamina building exercise regimen. I had bought a $400 hybrid trainer (elliptical/recumbent bike combo) that will be getting more use. I walk for an hour after I drop my nephews off at school. i eat a protein boosting breakfast of two fried eggs and a can of tuna (usually flavored with garlic). I use the recumbent bike for at least a half hour at a moderate pace. I can't yet endure more direct weight on my feet but I'm hoping I can get back to the 180 lbs and tolerate more of my own body weight to use the elliptical again. I'll do this Monday through Thirsday to start and on Friday I will push with two hours of walking and try for an hour of cycling. Saturday will be a rest day, for maybe a cheat meal and no strenuous workouts. Then on Sunday, I will try yoga and tai chi videos. I hear tai chi does wonders for fibromyalgia and I hope it does.
I don't plan on posting progress pictures or any of that nonsense. I'm not starting this blog for bragging rights but as another way to stay accountable to the process. I might jazz it up later with graphics or links to make this more of a guide for discouraged sufferers of chronic pain to maybe find some options. The most important thing is, I'm not doing this fast and I'm listening to my body. I had become resigned that I would never be able to change. I will never be able to do high impact; this was a fact from when I was my healthiest weight of 150. It doesn't matter that I won't be ripped. I want my old shape back. I have broad shoulders and hips that will never be less than a size 5/6 but I love those curves. This isn't about hating or loving myself solely based on how I look. We'd all like to feel confident in how we look, but what defines us more is how we feel-- emotionally, mentally, physically.
I hope this blog helps me to my goal and maybe encourage others. My goal was to get there by October but I don't plan on quitting even if it takes me into 2017 to get there. The point is, I ditched the excuses and I'm trying-- without fad diets or restrictions, just listening to my body and making changes. When I get there, I might post that final milestone but I refuse to get so proud of myself that I rest on my laurels. I will be accountable every step of the way.
Even after a few months, I struggle with calorie intake and my physical health issues. This doesn't go away and it doesn't get easier. I believe a lot of people are frantic for fast results because we all fear those days where we lose our resolve for good or we feel like we've wasted our efforts. I only have one point of advice there: don't. There is no such thing as wasted progress because if we are journaling and exercising and learning, we are always making steps towards efficiency. You don't just slap a coat of paint on a misused car and expect it to work. Once we learn how to use our bodies best, they run how we treat them. In my case and many others, there are days when we feel terrific and days where we feel like sludge, outside of any logic. Those are days we have to push harder-- take advantage of those great days with more effort so that when the bad days come, we can forgive ourselves that small break we need to recover.
Whether you're looking for an old shape, a new shape, or love the one you have, be mindful of the journeys everyone takes to feel better.
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