It was bound to happen sooner or later... I haven't been sick in so long and even adopting good habits doesn't make us completely immune. I feel the start of a cold, the scratchy throat and dry cough; it might have been a long time, but I always recognize it. Started the week under a lot of down slides though; my grandma's death, some of my fish dying, then a bungled shopping trip and a huge tank cleaning today. My diet has been higher calorie than usual but stress and sickness together can do that. Restarted scheduled workouts (Accelerator, Warrior, Yoga). I intend to workout sick unless it becomes impossible. I have CVX coming up tomorrow. If anything, being sick is never an excuse not to workout or attempt to get a diet back on track. Sliding into bad habits can easily prolong a sickness. As long as I can do it, I will. Barring being unable to breath, extreme muscle fatigue/pain, etc,, it will be done.
So need to sleep now. Sometimes being sick is the only time I really catch up on sleep. I wouldn't mind if my appetite goes bye bye too. As much as it sucks, this is probably the best time for it. Better now than once the boys are back in school and I have to walk them. Here's to accelerated symptoms that go away by January 3! I don't give a single fuck about New Year's anyway. Never has a new year ever set the tone for the rest of it. It's a day and every day is a chance to start over.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Flying High
I officially started Round Two of the Lean schedule for P90X3. Considering it's been so long since I've done Accelerator or The Warrior, they really kicked my ass. Doesn't help that I'm a bit under the weather. Not sick, mind you, just in a state of body confusion from the weather going from rain in the 60s one day then sunny in the 30s overnight. I was out for about 3 hours today, due to a shopping trip that should have only taken me 45 minutes tops, except I forgot the pin on the v-chip card, left my phone at home, and even once I sorted that out, didn't get home before realizing a box of tea hadn't made it into the bag. Needless to say a lot of extra walking, but my fish are going to have to wait another day to get their tank changed because I am exhausted after that. Workouts always come first, followed by everything else. The workout just sets the tone for everything my body feels in a day and missing it is setting myself up for a bad day.
Since I have yoga tomorrow, it seems like the perfect way to stretch out before I'm lugging about 30-35 gallons of dirty water downstairs and lugging the replacement water upstairs. 5 gallons of water weighs about 30 lbs I believe, so it's one hell of a strength workout, typically taking about 2 hours to accomplish. Gravel vacuuming is always a huge pain in the ass, but definitely needs to be done. They can manage to make it damn near opaque with waste deposits. I can't really afford a decent sump pump system to cut all the extra work out, but as I mentioned, it's a free strength workout. Only sucks because it is strenuous and doesn't get done as often as it should be.
A lot of fish owners are meticulous and do it every 7-10 days. I have a filter too powerful for my tank, underpopulated, and an algae eater, so I do it once every 4-6 weeks even though it never looks like it's needed. I do use conditioning chemicals to keep nitrates/nitrites low, chlorine non existent and ph levels were they should be at least. We have hard water, which cichlids like anyway so I don't worry about that. They're spoiled. Don't feel bad for them for not getting weekly water changes. They get pellets, flakes and algae wafers. I swear they eat better than I do.
Anyways, that got its own paragraph for skipability... It's been a slow start for the week, but it always takes some time to get into a phase. The minute you feel like you're nailing it, Tony Horton snatches it away from you, no doubt for the sake of muscle confusion. It's always 3-4 weeks of a basic repetition, a transitional week that is more stretching and cardio than strength, then you keep maybe half of the old workouts, swapped out for 2-3 new ones. I think most of the workouts use all three a bit, nothing is just all strength/cardio/flexibility/balance. They tend to be one or two elements heavier than the rest, but still well-rounded. Some I still groan when they come up, but I file that under 'shit I do anyway because they don't get easier if I swap them out'. There should probably be a shorter way to say it because it's something of a mantra, telling myself to just fucking do it. lol I'm not a brand whore, so I'm ignoring Nike pretty much covers that. I don't mind their little check showing up on my clothes or shoes, but I'm not a fucking billboard.
Since I have yoga tomorrow, it seems like the perfect way to stretch out before I'm lugging about 30-35 gallons of dirty water downstairs and lugging the replacement water upstairs. 5 gallons of water weighs about 30 lbs I believe, so it's one hell of a strength workout, typically taking about 2 hours to accomplish. Gravel vacuuming is always a huge pain in the ass, but definitely needs to be done. They can manage to make it damn near opaque with waste deposits. I can't really afford a decent sump pump system to cut all the extra work out, but as I mentioned, it's a free strength workout. Only sucks because it is strenuous and doesn't get done as often as it should be.
A lot of fish owners are meticulous and do it every 7-10 days. I have a filter too powerful for my tank, underpopulated, and an algae eater, so I do it once every 4-6 weeks even though it never looks like it's needed. I do use conditioning chemicals to keep nitrates/nitrites low, chlorine non existent and ph levels were they should be at least. We have hard water, which cichlids like anyway so I don't worry about that. They're spoiled. Don't feel bad for them for not getting weekly water changes. They get pellets, flakes and algae wafers. I swear they eat better than I do.
Anyways, that got its own paragraph for skipability... It's been a slow start for the week, but it always takes some time to get into a phase. The minute you feel like you're nailing it, Tony Horton snatches it away from you, no doubt for the sake of muscle confusion. It's always 3-4 weeks of a basic repetition, a transitional week that is more stretching and cardio than strength, then you keep maybe half of the old workouts, swapped out for 2-3 new ones. I think most of the workouts use all three a bit, nothing is just all strength/cardio/flexibility/balance. They tend to be one or two elements heavier than the rest, but still well-rounded. Some I still groan when they come up, but I file that under 'shit I do anyway because they don't get easier if I swap them out'. There should probably be a shorter way to say it because it's something of a mantra, telling myself to just fucking do it. lol I'm not a brand whore, so I'm ignoring Nike pretty much covers that. I don't mind their little check showing up on my clothes or shoes, but I'm not a fucking billboard.
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Picking it up with a Push and Pull
Today, I decided to get outside of stretching and balancing and throw in some of The Challenge. It's been so long since this was on the schedule that I really wanted to get some good pulls and push-ups back in my life. I was able to do the first half doing push-ups normally, but had to drop to my knees to finish it out. More proof that I gotta get more strength in my routine again, but really getting through about 100+ pushups (my goal in each set is 20, which starts to add up quick) was a feat I hadn't accomplished before so yay progress! I always feel like the pull routine is lacking in my circumstances since I have to use 1 lb weights, not having any equipment. It still builds that sweat but it's not really strengthening the pull muscles, which I'll have to remedy. I'd love to dump some Christmas money into improving my equipment, make Round 2 a real beast. We shall see...
I feel so freaking amazing with fitness in my life that I can't really complain. I will always be critical of some things I perceive as lacking but in a more motivational tone rather than self-defeating. I recognize that my body has its own ideas of health an shape. I don't post pictures of someone else's body as something to work for. I take pride in my own achievements, learn from my own frustrations and try to motivate others who want to improve without overwhelming them with facts. In my own journey, I had to learn very, very slowly what to expect from my body. Nothing is more clear than that I do have limitations, but I will always push them a little more. Some of those limits become breakthroughs, as long as the break isn't an injury. I've been great at avoiding those.
My current rough spot is hip bursitis. It appeared in my life nearly a decade ago and resurfaced for the same reasons-- athletic exercise and stress. Again, I listen to it. It always loves a good stress, but cardio and strength sometimes need careful modification, rather than just rest. Chronic pain loves to surface when I think rest is the answer. It isn't. I do need to grit my teeth and try. Weight bearing is where I need to be the most careful and some extensions in stretching will shoot the pain through, but if I slow down and try again, usually I can eliminate that kink. It can be difficult, learning which pains are strain based and which are just overactive nerves, but I don't let them become crutches against progress. Sometimes an Advil can knock out false signals so I can target deeper issues.
If you're finding strength from my blog, never be put off by risks. I promised to be honest not just about milestones, but also about difficulties. I can make excuses on my worst days, but they don't slog me down for more than a day before I vow to try again. Even if I can't make it through a whole workout or have to modify it completely, I do it. Doing it eliminates the guilt of not doing it and I always learn something about my body's current state. I don't worry that I'll need to see a doctor unless it worsens or becomes unbearable. So far, it hasn't. I don't try to double up workouts when I barely got through one. I'll add a nice warm-up if I'm feeling stellar. Even if every minute of a workout feels exhausting, I feel terrific a half hour later. This hasn't been variable; it's always been a guarantee, save for when I overdo it. Over time, I don't overdo it.
These programs are designed to be sufficient alone. I do add walks on the weekdays, but I don't worry that 'only a half hour' won't be enough. This is why I also record the milestones, in case I need that reminder that even though I didn't lose any weight, I got better. My muscles will have their work cut out for them trying to reshape me, but they absolutely are working. Because of this, my diet can be challenging, making sure they get the carbs and proteins to build me up. Fats are also so important, healthy delicious fats that I definitely have no guilt over. Fat is such an important building block! Don't avoid them, just gobble them up strategically! As a woman, I am mostly subcutaneous fat, that fat that keeps our skin soft and supple and protects us, whereas men are visceral fat that gathers around their organs. This is why men tend to have those huge bellies and the spindly little legs and arms. When I am targeting fat as a woman, it's not just about shrinking the fat, it's about making sure it distributes better. This is why my blog is titled as it is. We are not just trying to disappear into tiny little sticks, we are trying to embrace our muscles, maybe our curves, our entire silhouette. It's not purely aesthetic, at least for me. When I'm loving myself the most, I'm running my hands over toned calves, firm muscles, enjoying the real benefits of a healthier life.
Let me make this clear. I eat pizza and cheesecake and it's not the cardboard, falsely marketed 'health food'. It's the real deal. It's about portion control and calories. I don't restrict any damn thing so if you're going to tell me that you love cheesecake too much, I'm going to assure you that it's not about leaving that behind. I have become amazing at cooking, with real ingredients, to make better quality, better tasting versions than your takeout. I assure you I'm not fucking with wheat germ or drying things out. I met a woman with sickle cell that couldn't eat the fried chicken in chain operations. She made me her fried chicken and it looked dry. It was the juiciest most delicious fried chicken I ever tasted. I am a foodie. I want it all. I just learned to make wiser choices, little by little to max out how much I get to eat, how filling it is, and if I crave it. I don't fuck around. Deprive yourself and cravings will murder all of your intentions. I do eat fast food-- sometimes you just crave the real deal. I make sure I can handle extra cardio and eat it guilt free to make up for it. I used to hate sweat. Now, like Pavlov's dogs, I crave it for what it means. Washing it off still feels terrific-- that's when I get to gawk at the changes.
I want to gush about how great it feels without making anyone feel inadequate or pressured. So please, eat all the cheesecake you want around me. I don't drink a lot of alcohol, but feel free to get sloppy drunk. In every way that you might be afraid to be judged or pressured for what you're not doing, I am holding up in the same way. I want you to see that my choices have made me feel alive not just existing. I can be a better friend and actually do things for the people I care about instead of crying in bed. This isn't about you, what I do for me. I might be pickier when I'm ordering real food with you, but I'm not gonna order a tiny salad and make disgusted faces at you. I'm going to make yummy noises and I might steal some of your fries. Discreetly, I'll log it on my app later. Because my journey is about accountability. Your role is just being my friend.
I feel so freaking amazing with fitness in my life that I can't really complain. I will always be critical of some things I perceive as lacking but in a more motivational tone rather than self-defeating. I recognize that my body has its own ideas of health an shape. I don't post pictures of someone else's body as something to work for. I take pride in my own achievements, learn from my own frustrations and try to motivate others who want to improve without overwhelming them with facts. In my own journey, I had to learn very, very slowly what to expect from my body. Nothing is more clear than that I do have limitations, but I will always push them a little more. Some of those limits become breakthroughs, as long as the break isn't an injury. I've been great at avoiding those.
My current rough spot is hip bursitis. It appeared in my life nearly a decade ago and resurfaced for the same reasons-- athletic exercise and stress. Again, I listen to it. It always loves a good stress, but cardio and strength sometimes need careful modification, rather than just rest. Chronic pain loves to surface when I think rest is the answer. It isn't. I do need to grit my teeth and try. Weight bearing is where I need to be the most careful and some extensions in stretching will shoot the pain through, but if I slow down and try again, usually I can eliminate that kink. It can be difficult, learning which pains are strain based and which are just overactive nerves, but I don't let them become crutches against progress. Sometimes an Advil can knock out false signals so I can target deeper issues.
If you're finding strength from my blog, never be put off by risks. I promised to be honest not just about milestones, but also about difficulties. I can make excuses on my worst days, but they don't slog me down for more than a day before I vow to try again. Even if I can't make it through a whole workout or have to modify it completely, I do it. Doing it eliminates the guilt of not doing it and I always learn something about my body's current state. I don't worry that I'll need to see a doctor unless it worsens or becomes unbearable. So far, it hasn't. I don't try to double up workouts when I barely got through one. I'll add a nice warm-up if I'm feeling stellar. Even if every minute of a workout feels exhausting, I feel terrific a half hour later. This hasn't been variable; it's always been a guarantee, save for when I overdo it. Over time, I don't overdo it.
These programs are designed to be sufficient alone. I do add walks on the weekdays, but I don't worry that 'only a half hour' won't be enough. This is why I also record the milestones, in case I need that reminder that even though I didn't lose any weight, I got better. My muscles will have their work cut out for them trying to reshape me, but they absolutely are working. Because of this, my diet can be challenging, making sure they get the carbs and proteins to build me up. Fats are also so important, healthy delicious fats that I definitely have no guilt over. Fat is such an important building block! Don't avoid them, just gobble them up strategically! As a woman, I am mostly subcutaneous fat, that fat that keeps our skin soft and supple and protects us, whereas men are visceral fat that gathers around their organs. This is why men tend to have those huge bellies and the spindly little legs and arms. When I am targeting fat as a woman, it's not just about shrinking the fat, it's about making sure it distributes better. This is why my blog is titled as it is. We are not just trying to disappear into tiny little sticks, we are trying to embrace our muscles, maybe our curves, our entire silhouette. It's not purely aesthetic, at least for me. When I'm loving myself the most, I'm running my hands over toned calves, firm muscles, enjoying the real benefits of a healthier life.
Let me make this clear. I eat pizza and cheesecake and it's not the cardboard, falsely marketed 'health food'. It's the real deal. It's about portion control and calories. I don't restrict any damn thing so if you're going to tell me that you love cheesecake too much, I'm going to assure you that it's not about leaving that behind. I have become amazing at cooking, with real ingredients, to make better quality, better tasting versions than your takeout. I assure you I'm not fucking with wheat germ or drying things out. I met a woman with sickle cell that couldn't eat the fried chicken in chain operations. She made me her fried chicken and it looked dry. It was the juiciest most delicious fried chicken I ever tasted. I am a foodie. I want it all. I just learned to make wiser choices, little by little to max out how much I get to eat, how filling it is, and if I crave it. I don't fuck around. Deprive yourself and cravings will murder all of your intentions. I do eat fast food-- sometimes you just crave the real deal. I make sure I can handle extra cardio and eat it guilt free to make up for it. I used to hate sweat. Now, like Pavlov's dogs, I crave it for what it means. Washing it off still feels terrific-- that's when I get to gawk at the changes.
I want to gush about how great it feels without making anyone feel inadequate or pressured. So please, eat all the cheesecake you want around me. I don't drink a lot of alcohol, but feel free to get sloppy drunk. In every way that you might be afraid to be judged or pressured for what you're not doing, I am holding up in the same way. I want you to see that my choices have made me feel alive not just existing. I can be a better friend and actually do things for the people I care about instead of crying in bed. This isn't about you, what I do for me. I might be pickier when I'm ordering real food with you, but I'm not gonna order a tiny salad and make disgusted faces at you. I'm going to make yummy noises and I might steal some of your fries. Discreetly, I'll log it on my app later. Because my journey is about accountability. Your role is just being my friend.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Pilates Shmilates
While I'm in the mood to blog, I felt it might take advantage of this to keep updates rolling.
Today, as you can tell by the heading, was Pilates day. I always struggle with this one, mainly because of its rarity on the official schedules so, this being that transitional week, I chose it for today.
First off, I've always aced certain ones. The first ten minutes, while still challenging, never need to be modified. You go into this one focusing on breathing and get your arms pumping and posturing while you prepare your body for the things to come. I always found Teaser to be difficult, but great preparation for the V Rocker. Teaser asks you to pull your legs in and keep your head up, then on one long exhale you push your arms and legs out at a 45 degree angle and swing them around into a V sit, all in that same breath where you hold it (oh, muscular power!) before rolling back into the starting position. Sounds simple but doing ten of those properly is where the sweat really starts rolling. I really feel like I nailed it today where I always fumbled through it. With V Rocker, you start in plow but spread your feet to keep the V position and grab as high as you can on your leg (ankles if you can) then roll up into the V sit. I have always loved this one. I keep my hands loosely on the first roll out and gauge where I can both hold the sit strongly while keeping a firm grip on my leg. Today, it was ankles all the way.
Saw and Alphabet Soup have always been favorites. Saw asks you to inhale and exhale specifically in each pose given and it really feels amazing once you get going. This was where I first realized my ability to roll up without a sticking point. Alphabet Soup lets you get creative each time, writing out the letters of the alphabet with your feet together, in any 'font' you choose. I say creative but I mostly stick to the capital letters. Although 'free mustache rides on Monday nights' might break the tedium. Maybe 'the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog' might be more appropriate. In either case, I really feel my lower back eating that one up.
As far as the rest goes, I love all the roll up exercises, but not a big fan of the swimmer series of moves because my arms and back really don't play well there. Something to work on. The side plank exercises are where I always have the most trouble and often do those even more modified than the suggested modifiers. I prefer to keep my hip on the floor here or moving my legs at all is a lost cause. I can barely keep my leg up on a stationary side plank let alone think about movement. I still get the benefit of the breathing, the movement, but i don't have to worry about injuring my ankle or wrist with the hold. The T allows for the modification, so I learned my lesson and stick to that for now. I always try to lift up but I pay attention to my body's warnings.
The Pretzel used to be a lost cause. Holding my leg up and pumping it was immediately rejected by my hips but now I can do Tony's sorry excuse for it at least. It's a good way to end the workout. I might have trouble with it still, but I always sweat in sheets and my body always feels more limber, my breaths more relaxed after putting myself through the paces.
Of course, you can thank my frequency of blogs to this being a transitional time. With a set schedule, I am finding this is great for accountability. Still... I cannot WAIT to get back on schedule.
Today, as you can tell by the heading, was Pilates day. I always struggle with this one, mainly because of its rarity on the official schedules so, this being that transitional week, I chose it for today.
First off, I've always aced certain ones. The first ten minutes, while still challenging, never need to be modified. You go into this one focusing on breathing and get your arms pumping and posturing while you prepare your body for the things to come. I always found Teaser to be difficult, but great preparation for the V Rocker. Teaser asks you to pull your legs in and keep your head up, then on one long exhale you push your arms and legs out at a 45 degree angle and swing them around into a V sit, all in that same breath where you hold it (oh, muscular power!) before rolling back into the starting position. Sounds simple but doing ten of those properly is where the sweat really starts rolling. I really feel like I nailed it today where I always fumbled through it. With V Rocker, you start in plow but spread your feet to keep the V position and grab as high as you can on your leg (ankles if you can) then roll up into the V sit. I have always loved this one. I keep my hands loosely on the first roll out and gauge where I can both hold the sit strongly while keeping a firm grip on my leg. Today, it was ankles all the way.
Saw and Alphabet Soup have always been favorites. Saw asks you to inhale and exhale specifically in each pose given and it really feels amazing once you get going. This was where I first realized my ability to roll up without a sticking point. Alphabet Soup lets you get creative each time, writing out the letters of the alphabet with your feet together, in any 'font' you choose. I say creative but I mostly stick to the capital letters. Although 'free mustache rides on Monday nights' might break the tedium. Maybe 'the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog' might be more appropriate. In either case, I really feel my lower back eating that one up.
As far as the rest goes, I love all the roll up exercises, but not a big fan of the swimmer series of moves because my arms and back really don't play well there. Something to work on. The side plank exercises are where I always have the most trouble and often do those even more modified than the suggested modifiers. I prefer to keep my hip on the floor here or moving my legs at all is a lost cause. I can barely keep my leg up on a stationary side plank let alone think about movement. I still get the benefit of the breathing, the movement, but i don't have to worry about injuring my ankle or wrist with the hold. The T allows for the modification, so I learned my lesson and stick to that for now. I always try to lift up but I pay attention to my body's warnings.
The Pretzel used to be a lost cause. Holding my leg up and pumping it was immediately rejected by my hips but now I can do Tony's sorry excuse for it at least. It's a good way to end the workout. I might have trouble with it still, but I always sweat in sheets and my body always feels more limber, my breaths more relaxed after putting myself through the paces.
Of course, you can thank my frequency of blogs to this being a transitional time. With a set schedule, I am finding this is great for accountability. Still... I cannot WAIT to get back on schedule.
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
So Many Milestones: Yoga
Omg, omg, omg... I did crow today! I've had a lot of trouble targeting desensitizing my pressure points in my triceps and I was leery, pressing really slowly so I wouldn't collapse from a sudden sharp pain and it held. I couldn't stabilize it very well because my wrists are flexible enough that I kept tipping too far forward, but I held it for a good few seconds before needing to touch down each time. I'd like to try crane on my next good day since it's basically the same without stacking the feet. Still, I could cry. I needed a boost, however small and I went for it. So glad I didn't just call it a rest day, that I went for it once my hip and knee eased up. I was able to land everything today and I can close hands on the bound side angle pose too. It was fingertips for a long time. I'd love to work on getting my head to the floor on that airplane but my shoulder stretch and getting my face to my knee on standing splits happens now. I can firmly hold my feet on that figure four that presses the hamstring too. I'm really struggling with strength but clearly something is working because my muscles are really supporting my stretches.
Yoga is life, people. Don't give up on miracles.
Yoga is life, people. Don't give up on miracles.
The Guilt of Transition
Health experts will tout the necessity of, every once in a while, be it for one week every month or so or some other experimental format, to go ahead and take a transitional week. It is supposed to reduce cravings, help overworked muscles etc. Most of these weeks yield the best weight loss results for me as opposed to weeks when I'm doing a vigorous schedule, mostly because I am not stacking muscle, eating as many carbs/protein for energy, relaxing to a diet of healthy fats, etc. However, what should be a week of restoration often comes with a HUGE dose of guilt and even paranoia.
Let's face it-- when we got to the point where weight or health forced us to rethink our habits, we had to pull teeth, sweat, cry, gasp for air and HURT to finally get to the point where we started to love the abuse, to actually feel it heal us. Resting can feel like a betrayal to our motivation where we feel we'll just slip back into our old bad habits and make excuses again.
Let me assure you-- I haven't 'gone back'. I am still watching my calorie intake. I still stretch and do push-ups, do yoga poses while I'm cooking. Yet there is something completely WRONG about not sticking to the rigid schedule I had gotten used to. At this point, and because I still have a minimum of 29 lbs to lose, I am ever vigilant of my evil twin looking to sabotage me with 'kindness'. Come on, Krista, have a piece of cake. You've EARNED it. Ugh, no. I do still enjoy things and I do satiate cravings, but I don't dare let whole unplanned wedges of cake into my body. Luckily for me, I almost have no craving for sweets anyway. It's a rare temptation, if at all.
Still, even when I am still on track, I crave going back to my workout schedule. I told myself to relax a bit for the next two weeks, heal up a bit, it's all good. I will barely be able to get through one week, let alone two. No, P90X3 Round Two is starting the day after Christmas.
Yes, maybe I can have my ninja cake or skip a few workout days in my future. But every excuse I make now makes my goals drift further away-- and they do, because that's exactly what happened when I started in January. This isn't one and done if you really want this to be your new reality. Between January and August, 6 months, I was only able to lose 18 lbs. When I focused on a program I lost another 18 lbs, this time not only gaining muscle, but doing so in 18 weeks (4 and a half months). It doesn't sound like a big difference, but consider muscle weight. Consider the fact that fibromyalgia pain is now manageable without swallowing handfuls of ibuprofen every day. Consider all of the milestones I've made in fitness. This isn't just another 18 lbs in 'only' 6 less weeks that before. This is the real deal health turnover I had been aching for (pun intended-- I'm a white girl. Puns are irresistible).
I look at my schedule hanging up and every day I think "soon...". Every day I forget how important my journey has been is dangerous. My confidence, my well-being, how I treat others, has all been affected by this journey. For all I've suffered, I've been able to give more of myself-- to my talents, to my hobbies, to my energy, to raising my nephews. Aunt Krista doesn't just yell for them to shut-up because she's in too much pain to get up and mediate. Now, she picks them up in one arm and tosses them on their bed while they laugh and forget whatever petty argument they were having.
When someone tells me I'll be fine, I know they are right, but not for the reason they think they are. I will be fine worrying about getting back to my schedule. I will be fine deciding to only have two beers or none at all, or not having that piece of cake until I manage my other dietary needs first. I will be fine making my own decisions and ignoring bad advice given with good intentions.
I promise I will not be the girl that tells you it was ever easy or pushes you to suffer with me. I won't be the one to make sour faces and ask if you're really going to eat that. Even if I really want you to live a long time, I'd much rather it be as the person you are than the person I think you should be. You don't need to treat me like I will sit in judgment of you as harshly as I judge myself. It isn't even possible. The only one who can challenge me is me and I don't suffer under the delusion that you need me to challenge you either.
Just please, understand that I am going to feel some guilt when I have to stray, even planned entirely. I have a chronic illness now and it stole too many happy days. I will spend a couple hours total every day doing something I don't always like so that the other 22 are in the state of health and body that makes me happiest. Even when I snip at you, I swear that I am not nearly as irritated or mentally drained as I was then. I heal faster mentally too, believe it or not. My short term memory isn't non-existent.
If this is you right now, the person that is struggling with the guilt, you are not alone. You are aware that the issue didn't disappear just because you made steps. Maybe you're even at your goal, maintaining, still learning how to keep that healthy relationship with food and exercise. If you haven't learned it yet, allow the guilt to linger there. Certainly don't let it absorb your thoughts, but keep those alerts on. Just like Tony Horton reminds you that yoga and stretching are no less important than the power days, sometimes you have to take your rest days even more gracefully. Life is about balance and this includes listening to your body. Your brain will want you to go, go, go. Let it get frustrated and keep motivating and pestering you.
Then get back on that schedule and rock!
Let's face it-- when we got to the point where weight or health forced us to rethink our habits, we had to pull teeth, sweat, cry, gasp for air and HURT to finally get to the point where we started to love the abuse, to actually feel it heal us. Resting can feel like a betrayal to our motivation where we feel we'll just slip back into our old bad habits and make excuses again.
Let me assure you-- I haven't 'gone back'. I am still watching my calorie intake. I still stretch and do push-ups, do yoga poses while I'm cooking. Yet there is something completely WRONG about not sticking to the rigid schedule I had gotten used to. At this point, and because I still have a minimum of 29 lbs to lose, I am ever vigilant of my evil twin looking to sabotage me with 'kindness'. Come on, Krista, have a piece of cake. You've EARNED it. Ugh, no. I do still enjoy things and I do satiate cravings, but I don't dare let whole unplanned wedges of cake into my body. Luckily for me, I almost have no craving for sweets anyway. It's a rare temptation, if at all.
Still, even when I am still on track, I crave going back to my workout schedule. I told myself to relax a bit for the next two weeks, heal up a bit, it's all good. I will barely be able to get through one week, let alone two. No, P90X3 Round Two is starting the day after Christmas.
Yes, maybe I can have my ninja cake or skip a few workout days in my future. But every excuse I make now makes my goals drift further away-- and they do, because that's exactly what happened when I started in January. This isn't one and done if you really want this to be your new reality. Between January and August, 6 months, I was only able to lose 18 lbs. When I focused on a program I lost another 18 lbs, this time not only gaining muscle, but doing so in 18 weeks (4 and a half months). It doesn't sound like a big difference, but consider muscle weight. Consider the fact that fibromyalgia pain is now manageable without swallowing handfuls of ibuprofen every day. Consider all of the milestones I've made in fitness. This isn't just another 18 lbs in 'only' 6 less weeks that before. This is the real deal health turnover I had been aching for (pun intended-- I'm a white girl. Puns are irresistible).
I look at my schedule hanging up and every day I think "soon...". Every day I forget how important my journey has been is dangerous. My confidence, my well-being, how I treat others, has all been affected by this journey. For all I've suffered, I've been able to give more of myself-- to my talents, to my hobbies, to my energy, to raising my nephews. Aunt Krista doesn't just yell for them to shut-up because she's in too much pain to get up and mediate. Now, she picks them up in one arm and tosses them on their bed while they laugh and forget whatever petty argument they were having.
When someone tells me I'll be fine, I know they are right, but not for the reason they think they are. I will be fine worrying about getting back to my schedule. I will be fine deciding to only have two beers or none at all, or not having that piece of cake until I manage my other dietary needs first. I will be fine making my own decisions and ignoring bad advice given with good intentions.
I promise I will not be the girl that tells you it was ever easy or pushes you to suffer with me. I won't be the one to make sour faces and ask if you're really going to eat that. Even if I really want you to live a long time, I'd much rather it be as the person you are than the person I think you should be. You don't need to treat me like I will sit in judgment of you as harshly as I judge myself. It isn't even possible. The only one who can challenge me is me and I don't suffer under the delusion that you need me to challenge you either.
Just please, understand that I am going to feel some guilt when I have to stray, even planned entirely. I have a chronic illness now and it stole too many happy days. I will spend a couple hours total every day doing something I don't always like so that the other 22 are in the state of health and body that makes me happiest. Even when I snip at you, I swear that I am not nearly as irritated or mentally drained as I was then. I heal faster mentally too, believe it or not. My short term memory isn't non-existent.
If this is you right now, the person that is struggling with the guilt, you are not alone. You are aware that the issue didn't disappear just because you made steps. Maybe you're even at your goal, maintaining, still learning how to keep that healthy relationship with food and exercise. If you haven't learned it yet, allow the guilt to linger there. Certainly don't let it absorb your thoughts, but keep those alerts on. Just like Tony Horton reminds you that yoga and stretching are no less important than the power days, sometimes you have to take your rest days even more gracefully. Life is about balance and this includes listening to your body. Your brain will want you to go, go, go. Let it get frustrated and keep motivating and pestering you.
Then get back on that schedule and rock!
Monday, December 19, 2016
Back to the final results for Round One!
I completed P90X3 yesterday and I couldn't feel better. Scratch that-- I can. I am still a way off from my weight loss goals, but I am so in love with this shape I'm cultivating. The tone, the change in posture, balance, strength, reflexes, it's allllll good.
I am currently 179 lbs., down from my starting weight of 197. I have lost 11 inches all over, mostly from the hips and thighs. You don't get to target areas, that's a myth or that would have been my last choice. Still looking to tighten up my arms and thighs more, but I can't complain. I'm in a transitional week, taking my first rest day today, but I intend to try some other workouts that can target a hip bursitis issue and heal it before I go back for a round two.
I'm ecstatic nonetheless. I was really worried since weight loss is proving a real pain in the ass. I won't lose fast, that much I have to accept. Still, a pound a week on average is the kind of thing I like to see. If that's all I get then I'll take it. I might not get my bikini body this summer, but I will have it and a healthier body to boot. It takes time but I get more quality and quantity time with it.
Bring. It. On...
I am currently 179 lbs., down from my starting weight of 197. I have lost 11 inches all over, mostly from the hips and thighs. You don't get to target areas, that's a myth or that would have been my last choice. Still looking to tighten up my arms and thighs more, but I can't complain. I'm in a transitional week, taking my first rest day today, but I intend to try some other workouts that can target a hip bursitis issue and heal it before I go back for a round two.
I'm ecstatic nonetheless. I was really worried since weight loss is proving a real pain in the ass. I won't lose fast, that much I have to accept. Still, a pound a week on average is the kind of thing I like to see. If that's all I get then I'll take it. I might not get my bikini body this summer, but I will have it and a healthier body to boot. It takes time but I get more quality and quantity time with it.
Bring. It. On...
FFXV: Why I have to interrupt my blog with my other obsession
I won't belabor an introduction to my lifelong love of Final Fantasy and the handful of disappointments I've experiences amidst the overall shining glory as a whole. The graphics are always cutting edge. The characters are worth investing in. The gameplay slowly evolved but always tests new systems. And the stories... Well, damn it, Square...
I don't like to cry, but I like a moving story. I have been okay with the feels that other FF games have given; even when they tear your heart out, they triumph in heroic glory. FFVI was a game that I don't think can be surpassed in terms of storytelling. It moved and rocked me and not one of the main characters had to die to do it. FFVII was the game that brought along the first death scene and I think no one can forget how shattering Aeris's death was. The spin-offs were actually welcome and brought such a richness to the whole. FFVIII brought along the bittersweet notes of two ships passing in the night and their children picking up the torch. Sorry, but FFIX was meh for me, but I didn't love the music or gameplay less for the story. FFX is to many people the last of the best storytelling. The ending was sad but sweet and you could make it even better with the sequel. FFXII is usually where most longtime fans start to fall off with the unconditional love, although I'm probably one of the few who really enjoyed it completely. It wasn't wholly memorable but it was a feel good game for me, although the bunny chick Fran was probably the worst character in the series as a whole. You wanted to be sympathetic to her story since her boyfriend, Balthier, was one of the most animated lovable characters, but she really fell flat.
XIII was the series that started to leave the bad taste in my mouth. It was absolutely beautiful but the first game was linear in gameplay and confusing as a whole. It brought along a very extensive vocabulary and while I loved Lightning and Snow and Hope, I had a hard time liking any of the others. Once I finally understood all the magical rules, the story itself started to become less clear. Let me summarize the rest because the blog post is ultimately about the newest entry to the series. The second game was an unexpected gem. The battle lost its anal-retentive structure and while I found Sera annoying in the first game, I truly liked her and her new sidekick Noah. Again, we got a sad cliffhanger ending. Enter Lightning Returns. I couldn't get through the very first town in this game although I restarted the game three times trying to get on the right foot. This game was nearly unplayable. I would have been more excited if you threw a bunch of one piece Legos at me and told me to build a dragon. I am still tempted to Youtube videos from the game to see what possibly resolved in this trainwreck of a series, but I can't bring myself to try a fourth time.
Type-0 had its jerky camera but couldn't been great aside from that oversight. The beginning cutscene was a tearjerker and it had some real downer moments, but I still felt like the plot made sense.
Ah, FFXV. I loved the brotherhood theme. The building blocks for all of the characters was masterfully done, a hard feat to accomplish with such a huge cast over the course of the prequel movie Kingsglaive and the Brotherhood anime. I have no complaints about either. They were easy to watch and really got me excited to game. And damn, the gameplay was a mark of grace and mastery. There is so much freedom in the choices which is also difficult to pull off. I never felt like I had to troll through menus to get what I wanted out of battle but the choices were there and they were fun to play with. I loved how you could tag team in your comrades' techniques to change the flow of battle. I loved that the menus could give you a breather without disconnecting you from the action. I'm the sort that loves trolling around on fetch quests so I loved the many, many that they gave me. The hunts were always fun (although I admit that I haven't yet beat the Daemonwall, mostly due to not leveling magic because I'm a melee whore). It was the story that could have murdered this game if not for all the shining talent that went into every damn thing else.
So spoilers, peeps, because this is where I needed to rant. It was a great story up until you wake up in Altissia. I didn't hate how Lunafreya died. It seemed inevitable. She hadn't failed to mention that her oracle duties were already shortening her life span just as the Crystal drained the king Regis. Basically, the first 8 chapters really built up a vast potential of possibility... and the rest of the story practically shit down its backside and wiped it up its back. It would be a bit tedious to really hash out all of the WTF moments without having to retell the whole story but I will attempt to bullet some points that bothered me, in no particular order.
*The Niflheim emperor never comes into play after Kingsglaive. He is mentioned but his enormous betrayal or fate never comes up again.
*Ravus is probably the largest most confusing plot hole. Luna had her hands full trying to sell Noctis's good traits to him and he had been a cold and great villain with promise. He gets a couple of cutscenes in the game and... then his body turns up. The smaller plot up to that point seemed to revolve around how he thirsted for the power of the Lucii (but was rejected) then took the sword because Noctis wasn't worthy of it. When you find his body, you might have missed the letters from his sister where for some unclear reason, he decided that Noctis was worthy of the sword and he would return it even if it cost him his life. Clearly it did, but what the hell specifically could have motivated him to both betray his emperor and risk his life? No telling because there was absolutely no real build-up here.
*Pryna... you know, the other dog. Umbra had the strange ability to transport Noctis and his friends "through time" (there's a reason I put that in quotes-- we'll get to that). This is significant in my opinion because this is where I believe the game might be hinting at something with all the references to sleep and dreaming. Pryna is the reason that Prompto turns his life around befriends Noctis but that is the last actual role she ever has... her last passive appearance being a dream Noctis has in the hotel. It is him just fighting a hopeless battle, exhausted and hurt, with Pryna. You see Pryna dead and he falls through the floor and wakes up. This is where I believe Noctis is losing his mind a bit or being pulled into a dream where he can't tell what is real or not.
*The ending supports that theory but hell if I can tell you what parts were real or a dream after a while. The whole 'ten years later' he comes out of the Crystal thing was irritating. The world falls into ruin while he's playing pat-a-cake with Bahamut or something. No one is surprised that Noctis shows up again, but why? The entire story from here at least seems like it is completely his nightmare. Is he going mad or did the daemons physically pull him into a dream that gradually became a nightmare? Did it start when his father died or was it the guilt of thinking he lost Luna where the line was blurred? Absolutely no clue. Did everyone actually die? I saw one theory that stated that the last scene where they are married was simply their last wish in the afterlife, their 'final fantasy.' Oh fucking groan, I hope to hell that corny attempt at wordplay was NOT the intention of the story. I feel differently here...
Once the end screen fades, you go back to the title screen. It is now bright white, with Noctis and Luna sitting together and the music switches from Somnus (Sleep) to the happier one. I would not be surprised if the song is called "Awake". I will research this a bit better when I'm not lazy and hungry, but I hated how depressing the face value story was and had to attempt to fill it in with my own imagination.
Which brings me to the 'final' point-- knock it the fuck off, storytellers, with the 'fill in the blanks' storytelling. In this case, it was extremely rushed and lazy. It was otherwise an amazing game, marred by the bad taste the story left in my mouth. Are you planning on redeeming this story with DLC or a sequel in this world, new characters if we were supposed to take that 'born to die' shit as gospel? I want to kiss everyone else who made this masterpiece, but I've got a bone to pick with what the final direction made of it.
I'm always interested in seeing what other fans may have to add or argue to my opinion pieces. Forgive any of my own oversights. I don't have a perfect memory so I may have missed things here or there. I absolutely believe that fans need to gripe, to hold their beloved developers accountable and work together in whatever active or passive arenas to get the games the absolute best they can be!
I don't like to cry, but I like a moving story. I have been okay with the feels that other FF games have given; even when they tear your heart out, they triumph in heroic glory. FFVI was a game that I don't think can be surpassed in terms of storytelling. It moved and rocked me and not one of the main characters had to die to do it. FFVII was the game that brought along the first death scene and I think no one can forget how shattering Aeris's death was. The spin-offs were actually welcome and brought such a richness to the whole. FFVIII brought along the bittersweet notes of two ships passing in the night and their children picking up the torch. Sorry, but FFIX was meh for me, but I didn't love the music or gameplay less for the story. FFX is to many people the last of the best storytelling. The ending was sad but sweet and you could make it even better with the sequel. FFXII is usually where most longtime fans start to fall off with the unconditional love, although I'm probably one of the few who really enjoyed it completely. It wasn't wholly memorable but it was a feel good game for me, although the bunny chick Fran was probably the worst character in the series as a whole. You wanted to be sympathetic to her story since her boyfriend, Balthier, was one of the most animated lovable characters, but she really fell flat.
XIII was the series that started to leave the bad taste in my mouth. It was absolutely beautiful but the first game was linear in gameplay and confusing as a whole. It brought along a very extensive vocabulary and while I loved Lightning and Snow and Hope, I had a hard time liking any of the others. Once I finally understood all the magical rules, the story itself started to become less clear. Let me summarize the rest because the blog post is ultimately about the newest entry to the series. The second game was an unexpected gem. The battle lost its anal-retentive structure and while I found Sera annoying in the first game, I truly liked her and her new sidekick Noah. Again, we got a sad cliffhanger ending. Enter Lightning Returns. I couldn't get through the very first town in this game although I restarted the game three times trying to get on the right foot. This game was nearly unplayable. I would have been more excited if you threw a bunch of one piece Legos at me and told me to build a dragon. I am still tempted to Youtube videos from the game to see what possibly resolved in this trainwreck of a series, but I can't bring myself to try a fourth time.
Type-0 had its jerky camera but couldn't been great aside from that oversight. The beginning cutscene was a tearjerker and it had some real downer moments, but I still felt like the plot made sense.
Ah, FFXV. I loved the brotherhood theme. The building blocks for all of the characters was masterfully done, a hard feat to accomplish with such a huge cast over the course of the prequel movie Kingsglaive and the Brotherhood anime. I have no complaints about either. They were easy to watch and really got me excited to game. And damn, the gameplay was a mark of grace and mastery. There is so much freedom in the choices which is also difficult to pull off. I never felt like I had to troll through menus to get what I wanted out of battle but the choices were there and they were fun to play with. I loved how you could tag team in your comrades' techniques to change the flow of battle. I loved that the menus could give you a breather without disconnecting you from the action. I'm the sort that loves trolling around on fetch quests so I loved the many, many that they gave me. The hunts were always fun (although I admit that I haven't yet beat the Daemonwall, mostly due to not leveling magic because I'm a melee whore). It was the story that could have murdered this game if not for all the shining talent that went into every damn thing else.
So spoilers, peeps, because this is where I needed to rant. It was a great story up until you wake up in Altissia. I didn't hate how Lunafreya died. It seemed inevitable. She hadn't failed to mention that her oracle duties were already shortening her life span just as the Crystal drained the king Regis. Basically, the first 8 chapters really built up a vast potential of possibility... and the rest of the story practically shit down its backside and wiped it up its back. It would be a bit tedious to really hash out all of the WTF moments without having to retell the whole story but I will attempt to bullet some points that bothered me, in no particular order.
*The Niflheim emperor never comes into play after Kingsglaive. He is mentioned but his enormous betrayal or fate never comes up again.
*Ravus is probably the largest most confusing plot hole. Luna had her hands full trying to sell Noctis's good traits to him and he had been a cold and great villain with promise. He gets a couple of cutscenes in the game and... then his body turns up. The smaller plot up to that point seemed to revolve around how he thirsted for the power of the Lucii (but was rejected) then took the sword because Noctis wasn't worthy of it. When you find his body, you might have missed the letters from his sister where for some unclear reason, he decided that Noctis was worthy of the sword and he would return it even if it cost him his life. Clearly it did, but what the hell specifically could have motivated him to both betray his emperor and risk his life? No telling because there was absolutely no real build-up here.
*Pryna... you know, the other dog. Umbra had the strange ability to transport Noctis and his friends "through time" (there's a reason I put that in quotes-- we'll get to that). This is significant in my opinion because this is where I believe the game might be hinting at something with all the references to sleep and dreaming. Pryna is the reason that Prompto turns his life around befriends Noctis but that is the last actual role she ever has... her last passive appearance being a dream Noctis has in the hotel. It is him just fighting a hopeless battle, exhausted and hurt, with Pryna. You see Pryna dead and he falls through the floor and wakes up. This is where I believe Noctis is losing his mind a bit or being pulled into a dream where he can't tell what is real or not.
*The ending supports that theory but hell if I can tell you what parts were real or a dream after a while. The whole 'ten years later' he comes out of the Crystal thing was irritating. The world falls into ruin while he's playing pat-a-cake with Bahamut or something. No one is surprised that Noctis shows up again, but why? The entire story from here at least seems like it is completely his nightmare. Is he going mad or did the daemons physically pull him into a dream that gradually became a nightmare? Did it start when his father died or was it the guilt of thinking he lost Luna where the line was blurred? Absolutely no clue. Did everyone actually die? I saw one theory that stated that the last scene where they are married was simply their last wish in the afterlife, their 'final fantasy.' Oh fucking groan, I hope to hell that corny attempt at wordplay was NOT the intention of the story. I feel differently here...
Once the end screen fades, you go back to the title screen. It is now bright white, with Noctis and Luna sitting together and the music switches from Somnus (Sleep) to the happier one. I would not be surprised if the song is called "Awake". I will research this a bit better when I'm not lazy and hungry, but I hated how depressing the face value story was and had to attempt to fill it in with my own imagination.
Which brings me to the 'final' point-- knock it the fuck off, storytellers, with the 'fill in the blanks' storytelling. In this case, it was extremely rushed and lazy. It was otherwise an amazing game, marred by the bad taste the story left in my mouth. Are you planning on redeeming this story with DLC or a sequel in this world, new characters if we were supposed to take that 'born to die' shit as gospel? I want to kiss everyone else who made this masterpiece, but I've got a bone to pick with what the final direction made of it.
I'm always interested in seeing what other fans may have to add or argue to my opinion pieces. Forgive any of my own oversights. I don't have a perfect memory so I may have missed things here or there. I absolutely believe that fans need to gripe, to hold their beloved developers accountable and work together in whatever active or passive arenas to get the games the absolute best they can be!
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Slacking
I'm slacking a bit on keeping up here. Not because I haven't been consistently doing my thang, because I have. Still eating healthy, still making milestones, still getting better. I've been dealing with a hip bursitis issue that has cropped up again after many years of having been gone, but I knew intense exercise might bring it back. It hasn't stopped me, just made it necessary to keep on modifying.
Here's the real reason I haven't been logging... Final Fantasy XV, guys. It's fucking amazing. I've been at it like a fiend. I get up, I eat, I take the boys to school, I exercise, I shower, I gaaaaaaaaaame, all damn day. Yes, I stretch, I remember to eat more, I go get the boys from school, but then I gaaaaaaaame. It had been so long since I've been able to enjoy marathon gaming. It hasn't been bad for me either. I actually saw another 2 lbs down and another few inches off of the overall measurements.
So, if the blog dates are few and far between, know that I will update all of the things at a later date, including my workouts logs and reviews for P90X3 workouts. I will be finishing my first challenge at the end of this coming week. I plan on doing some transitional workouts to stretch out this stubborn hip issue before starting back up after Christmas. It's been a good but hard couple of weeks. I avoid social media because my dog died around this time last year and FB likes to remind me of that horrible time all over again. So, for now, I am focusing on happy thoughts.
Like getting the holidays over with. Bah humbug, but I'll be glad to see it all go and just keep gaming until I'm gamed out then get back to drawing. And writing. Can't believe I'm working on my 8th book. I really ought to work on publishing those... I'm being extremely picky about it though. I have to illustrate the first book at least, but this is proving monumental.
Anyways, more later. This girl is tired! Love, peace, and chicken grease!
Here's the real reason I haven't been logging... Final Fantasy XV, guys. It's fucking amazing. I've been at it like a fiend. I get up, I eat, I take the boys to school, I exercise, I shower, I gaaaaaaaaaame, all damn day. Yes, I stretch, I remember to eat more, I go get the boys from school, but then I gaaaaaaaame. It had been so long since I've been able to enjoy marathon gaming. It hasn't been bad for me either. I actually saw another 2 lbs down and another few inches off of the overall measurements.
So, if the blog dates are few and far between, know that I will update all of the things at a later date, including my workouts logs and reviews for P90X3 workouts. I will be finishing my first challenge at the end of this coming week. I plan on doing some transitional workouts to stretch out this stubborn hip issue before starting back up after Christmas. It's been a good but hard couple of weeks. I avoid social media because my dog died around this time last year and FB likes to remind me of that horrible time all over again. So, for now, I am focusing on happy thoughts.
Like getting the holidays over with. Bah humbug, but I'll be glad to see it all go and just keep gaming until I'm gamed out then get back to drawing. And writing. Can't believe I'm working on my 8th book. I really ought to work on publishing those... I'm being extremely picky about it though. I have to illustrate the first book at least, but this is proving monumental.
Anyways, more later. This girl is tired! Love, peace, and chicken grease!
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