Sick weeks

Had a couple of weeks in there where I was sick and while my diet was consistently low, I didn't get in much exercise.  Current weight at 194, which is another slowdown but still one pound lost when I worried I might see worse.  I'm attempting to get back on track but I'm not a fan of fireworks and the added stress didn't help.  Ready for some financial windfall so I can spirit away from here.  Sorry, but America doesn't do any favors for sensitive social outcasts like me.  I'm really done with the idea that freedom means tormenting someone else.  The "most free country in the world" is truly the most miserable and I wouldn't miss it.  In truth as long as I have a lot of land, no neighbors, it doesn't matter where beyond that.  Hell, give me happier people even rather than this miserable lot.  It's my Kryptonite though, exploding things in the hands of drunk amateurs.  The whole week has done little but terrify me.

I didn't mean to launch in the wrong direction since this blog is for venting with frustrations and announcing victories in my journey for weight loss.  My limbs are getting tighter and stronger at the least and I've started PiYo which I'm already in love with.  It's challenging enough to make you sweat like you're chugging away on cardio but it really stretches you out and relaxes you overall.  You breath right, keep good posture and, yes, if you're doing it right, you'll struggle to hold. It doesn't feel like working out as much as just asking yourself, can I do it a little better this time?  A series of mini challenges that transform you.

Other differences that I can notice.  Slimmer face, certainly, and I can feel hard muscle even under the soft layers.  I like the softness of being a woman and I'm not looking to Hulk out, and even when I was my smallest, I was always curvy, but I LOVED that.  I can only imagine how much better getting back to there will be when it's both earned and healthy.  There has been less swelling in hands and feet although we're talking about a lifelong condition there that never really goes away.  I've noticed my knees are more pronounced, less doughy.  I've always had strong calves but they're taking shape better too.  My knees and ankle have always been small, which is part of the reason weight loss is both tough and necessary-- they are the same size trying to carry a much bigger weight.  Okay, it's 45 pounds more, but that's a small child.  No, it's not as difficult as carrying a small child since it is distributed throughout your body, but it's still difficult.  I don't have the strength to do push-ups on my toes, so I do them on my knees, but I'm amazingly flexible somehow.  I can lay my hands flat on the floor again with my legs straight.  It's been a while since I was able to do that.  I'd love to really work on flexibility and strength together.  I had been a gymnast as a kid and I miss it.

That's about the size of it, where I'm at, and the determination and practice is still in place.  It's about learning and doing and I will get there, no matter how much being sick sets me back.