Today, I decided to get outside of stretching and balancing and throw in some of The Challenge. It's been so long since this was on the schedule that I really wanted to get some good pulls and push-ups back in my life. I was able to do the first half doing push-ups normally, but had to drop to my knees to finish it out. More proof that I gotta get more strength in my routine again, but really getting through about 100+ pushups (my goal in each set is 20, which starts to add up quick) was a feat I hadn't accomplished before so yay progress! I always feel like the pull routine is lacking in my circumstances since I have to use 1 lb weights, not having any equipment. It still builds that sweat but it's not really strengthening the pull muscles, which I'll have to remedy. I'd love to dump some Christmas money into improving my equipment, make Round 2 a real beast. We shall see...
I feel so freaking amazing with fitness in my life that I can't really complain. I will always be critical of some things I perceive as lacking but in a more motivational tone rather than self-defeating. I recognize that my body has its own ideas of health an shape. I don't post pictures of someone else's body as something to work for. I take pride in my own achievements, learn from my own frustrations and try to motivate others who want to improve without overwhelming them with facts. In my own journey, I had to learn very, very slowly what to expect from my body. Nothing is more clear than that I do have limitations, but I will always push them a little more. Some of those limits become breakthroughs, as long as the break isn't an injury. I've been great at avoiding those.
My current rough spot is hip bursitis. It appeared in my life nearly a decade ago and resurfaced for the same reasons-- athletic exercise and stress. Again, I listen to it. It always loves a good stress, but cardio and strength sometimes need careful modification, rather than just rest. Chronic pain loves to surface when I think rest is the answer. It isn't. I do need to grit my teeth and try. Weight bearing is where I need to be the most careful and some extensions in stretching will shoot the pain through, but if I slow down and try again, usually I can eliminate that kink. It can be difficult, learning which pains are strain based and which are just overactive nerves, but I don't let them become crutches against progress. Sometimes an Advil can knock out false signals so I can target deeper issues.
If you're finding strength from my blog, never be put off by risks. I promised to be honest not just about milestones, but also about difficulties. I can make excuses on my worst days, but they don't slog me down for more than a day before I vow to try again. Even if I can't make it through a whole workout or have to modify it completely, I do it. Doing it eliminates the guilt of not doing it and I always learn something about my body's current state. I don't worry that I'll need to see a doctor unless it worsens or becomes unbearable. So far, it hasn't. I don't try to double up workouts when I barely got through one. I'll add a nice warm-up if I'm feeling stellar. Even if every minute of a workout feels exhausting, I feel terrific a half hour later. This hasn't been variable; it's always been a guarantee, save for when I overdo it. Over time, I don't overdo it.
These programs are designed to be sufficient alone. I do add walks on the weekdays, but I don't worry that 'only a half hour' won't be enough. This is why I also record the milestones, in case I need that reminder that even though I didn't lose any weight, I got better. My muscles will have their work cut out for them trying to reshape me, but they absolutely are working. Because of this, my diet can be challenging, making sure they get the carbs and proteins to build me up. Fats are also so important, healthy delicious fats that I definitely have no guilt over. Fat is such an important building block! Don't avoid them, just gobble them up strategically! As a woman, I am mostly subcutaneous fat, that fat that keeps our skin soft and supple and protects us, whereas men are visceral fat that gathers around their organs. This is why men tend to have those huge bellies and the spindly little legs and arms. When I am targeting fat as a woman, it's not just about shrinking the fat, it's about making sure it distributes better. This is why my blog is titled as it is. We are not just trying to disappear into tiny little sticks, we are trying to embrace our muscles, maybe our curves, our entire silhouette. It's not purely aesthetic, at least for me. When I'm loving myself the most, I'm running my hands over toned calves, firm muscles, enjoying the real benefits of a healthier life.
Let me make this clear. I eat pizza and cheesecake and it's not the cardboard, falsely marketed 'health food'. It's the real deal. It's about portion control and calories. I don't restrict any damn thing so if you're going to tell me that you love cheesecake too much, I'm going to assure you that it's not about leaving that behind. I have become amazing at cooking, with real ingredients, to make better quality, better tasting versions than your takeout. I assure you I'm not fucking with wheat germ or drying things out. I met a woman with sickle cell that couldn't eat the fried chicken in chain operations. She made me her fried chicken and it looked dry. It was the juiciest most delicious fried chicken I ever tasted. I am a foodie. I want it all. I just learned to make wiser choices, little by little to max out how much I get to eat, how filling it is, and if I crave it. I don't fuck around. Deprive yourself and cravings will murder all of your intentions. I do eat fast food-- sometimes you just crave the real deal. I make sure I can handle extra cardio and eat it guilt free to make up for it. I used to hate sweat. Now, like Pavlov's dogs, I crave it for what it means. Washing it off still feels terrific-- that's when I get to gawk at the changes.
I want to gush about how great it feels without making anyone feel inadequate or pressured. So please, eat all the cheesecake you want around me. I don't drink a lot of alcohol, but feel free to get sloppy drunk. In every way that you might be afraid to be judged or pressured for what you're not doing, I am holding up in the same way. I want you to see that my choices have made me feel alive not just existing. I can be a better friend and actually do things for the people I care about instead of crying in bed. This isn't about you, what I do for me. I might be pickier when I'm ordering real food with you, but I'm not gonna order a tiny salad and make disgusted faces at you. I'm going to make yummy noises and I might steal some of your fries. Discreetly, I'll log it on my app later. Because my journey is about accountability. Your role is just being my friend.
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