Health experts will tout the necessity of, every once in a while, be it for one week every month or so or some other experimental format, to go ahead and take a transitional week. It is supposed to reduce cravings, help overworked muscles etc. Most of these weeks yield the best weight loss results for me as opposed to weeks when I'm doing a vigorous schedule, mostly because I am not stacking muscle, eating as many carbs/protein for energy, relaxing to a diet of healthy fats, etc. However, what should be a week of restoration often comes with a HUGE dose of guilt and even paranoia.
Let's face it-- when we got to the point where weight or health forced us to rethink our habits, we had to pull teeth, sweat, cry, gasp for air and HURT to finally get to the point where we started to love the abuse, to actually feel it heal us. Resting can feel like a betrayal to our motivation where we feel we'll just slip back into our old bad habits and make excuses again.
Let me assure you-- I haven't 'gone back'. I am still watching my calorie intake. I still stretch and do push-ups, do yoga poses while I'm cooking. Yet there is something completely WRONG about not sticking to the rigid schedule I had gotten used to. At this point, and because I still have a minimum of 29 lbs to lose, I am ever vigilant of my evil twin looking to sabotage me with 'kindness'. Come on, Krista, have a piece of cake. You've EARNED it. Ugh, no. I do still enjoy things and I do satiate cravings, but I don't dare let whole unplanned wedges of cake into my body. Luckily for me, I almost have no craving for sweets anyway. It's a rare temptation, if at all.
Still, even when I am still on track, I crave going back to my workout schedule. I told myself to relax a bit for the next two weeks, heal up a bit, it's all good. I will barely be able to get through one week, let alone two. No, P90X3 Round Two is starting the day after Christmas.
Yes, maybe I can have my ninja cake or skip a few workout days in my future. But every excuse I make now makes my goals drift further away-- and they do, because that's exactly what happened when I started in January. This isn't one and done if you really want this to be your new reality. Between January and August, 6 months, I was only able to lose 18 lbs. When I focused on a program I lost another 18 lbs, this time not only gaining muscle, but doing so in 18 weeks (4 and a half months). It doesn't sound like a big difference, but consider muscle weight. Consider the fact that fibromyalgia pain is now manageable without swallowing handfuls of ibuprofen every day. Consider all of the milestones I've made in fitness. This isn't just another 18 lbs in 'only' 6 less weeks that before. This is the real deal health turnover I had been aching for (pun intended-- I'm a white girl. Puns are irresistible).
I look at my schedule hanging up and every day I think "soon...". Every day I forget how important my journey has been is dangerous. My confidence, my well-being, how I treat others, has all been affected by this journey. For all I've suffered, I've been able to give more of myself-- to my talents, to my hobbies, to my energy, to raising my nephews. Aunt Krista doesn't just yell for them to shut-up because she's in too much pain to get up and mediate. Now, she picks them up in one arm and tosses them on their bed while they laugh and forget whatever petty argument they were having.
When someone tells me I'll be fine, I know they are right, but not for the reason they think they are. I will be fine worrying about getting back to my schedule. I will be fine deciding to only have two beers or none at all, or not having that piece of cake until I manage my other dietary needs first. I will be fine making my own decisions and ignoring bad advice given with good intentions.
I promise I will not be the girl that tells you it was ever easy or pushes you to suffer with me. I won't be the one to make sour faces and ask if you're really going to eat that. Even if I really want you to live a long time, I'd much rather it be as the person you are than the person I think you should be. You don't need to treat me like I will sit in judgment of you as harshly as I judge myself. It isn't even possible. The only one who can challenge me is me and I don't suffer under the delusion that you need me to challenge you either.
Just please, understand that I am going to feel some guilt when I have to stray, even planned entirely. I have a chronic illness now and it stole too many happy days. I will spend a couple hours total every day doing something I don't always like so that the other 22 are in the state of health and body that makes me happiest. Even when I snip at you, I swear that I am not nearly as irritated or mentally drained as I was then. I heal faster mentally too, believe it or not. My short term memory isn't non-existent.
If this is you right now, the person that is struggling with the guilt, you are not alone. You are aware that the issue didn't disappear just because you made steps. Maybe you're even at your goal, maintaining, still learning how to keep that healthy relationship with food and exercise. If you haven't learned it yet, allow the guilt to linger there. Certainly don't let it absorb your thoughts, but keep those alerts on. Just like Tony Horton reminds you that yoga and stretching are no less important than the power days, sometimes you have to take your rest days even more gracefully. Life is about balance and this includes listening to your body. Your brain will want you to go, go, go. Let it get frustrated and keep motivating and pestering you.
Then get back on that schedule and rock!
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