One thing I knew I wouldn't be able to do is write a blog without bias. I will always be biased by my own experiences, my own obstacles and my own progress. There's a lot of bullshit as you wade through the world of fitness and well-being, both encouraging and discouraging. One thing I intended to be throughout my journey is honest.
Honestly, I kind of suck at discipline sometimes.
It's not just cravings, or life events, or many other valid excuses for why I have to break budget or skip a workout; like anyone else, sometimes I just don't wanna.
I've actually consistently averaged at 1200 calories daily since I was able to get back to a low calorie diet. Except for that one day I really wanted that slice of cold pizza that put me at 1500. Which, let's face it, is still weight loss calories, but I want to push harder. It's not even unrealistic, just tough. I've done better with my diet than I have all year, but to be honest, it can be miserable. I eat the same breakfast and lunch every day. Every. Day. They're super low calorie, but full of the carbs and proteins I need for these vigorous workouts. It's healthy fats, full of fiber, low in sugar and salt. Doing the right thing feels good. For everything but my stomach. My stomach hates it, my taste buds hate it. When you have strong feelings, you would think it would make you give up. Still, despite my inner foodie hating it, my muscles love it. My overactive nerves love it. My heart rate and my breathing love it. Desires can be strong, but they are ultimately temporary. Guilt is long lasting. Bad health is long lasting. Chronic pain... well, it's got the key word right there.
But hey, I have the last half of my day (and the last 1/2-2/3 of my calorie budget) to ease up a bit. I can have yogurt and a couple of those low calorie cafe steamers. Sometimes I can upgrade my black coffee to have light cream and sugar or go ahead and have a glass of soda. I can even spread it all out until a couple hours before bedtime. It's not a total drag as long as I understand the consequences of choice. Sometimes it's worth it to go a little over on calories. Sometimes I'll feel better just hoarding my calories so I can have a big calorie dinner. Things like hunger and cravings are not going to be the same every damn day and I have to constantly be conscious of the choices I make.
Food diaries are a great way to do that, but honestly there are a few tracking apps that can make tracking food and exercise a snap. Some people like to hand write everything. My daily to-do lists satisfy that. I like to keep food tracking short and sweet and find out which days really worked and why certain days might have bombed. And I still fuck it all up sometimes in a moment of weakness.
I don't weigh-in again until Friday and I plan to post the results. I have been bouncing between 175-180 for months with all the very real factors of trauma. I hope to at least be on the lower end again. I plan to cheat this Saturday at an annual 'Cinco de Mayo' party my friends have every year, which clearly isn't always on that day or even that weekend. I also plan to take inventory of all that I eat and drink as discreetly as I can because I intend to be accountable and still enjoy myself.
This is the reality. It might take me a full two years since when I started to reach my goals. This isn't one of those rapid weight loss fairy-tales. This is a lifestyle change. It's gonna be gritty and a pain in the ass, but it's also a temporary restriction. Maintenance calories are awesome. I've sustained it for months happily. It's the weight loss section that I have to buckle down on.
What else can I say? Let's take it for what it is, excuses and all, and make it happen.
This should probably be a new blog post, but fuck it. I did Hardcore on the Floor on PiYo today. I wasn't exactly thrilled with how much this one hung out in beast, plank or down dog splits, which was the majority of the workout but I love doing v-sits and the Roman twist is a new favorite. I also don't mind being told that it will get easier, but not in that 'not before I've had my coffee' disgustingly perky tone. Let's face it. I miss Tony. Tony scared me at first, but damn it, I really just love P90X3. It's the reason I'm challenging myself to do the original P90X and maybe P90X2. He just has the right personality and push for me.
In case anyone is curious, I'll lay out my current meal plan. It will be easier to find here for me too if I decided to switch it up later.
Breakfast: egg (with olive) on a slice of whole grain bread with tomato
1/2 cup lite yogurt/ 1/4 cup cottage cheese (I pick one of those two)
Lunch: Healthy Request low-sodium Campbell's Soup (1 serving or half of the can)
1/2 cup of lentils (mixed in the soup)
1/2 cup each of carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower, raw
Depending on the exact choices, it lands me between 400 and 600 calories here. That's a full 600-800 to play with later. I tend to try to boost my protein as much as possible with canned tuna, chicken, greek yogurt. I've been getting my daily protein between 70-110g (50g is the ideal average). I don't mind my carbs, but do steer clear of simple carbs where possible. I get 5 hours of walking cardio in weekly and also clean a fish tank in a second floor room weekly, where I drain about 15-22 gallons of water into buckets and carry just as much back up to refill it. I absolutely need carbs and protein. People often gripe about how high in sodium the frozen diet dinners are, but I have been consistently taking in only 1500-2400 mg daily. The high end is actually the recommended average unless you have special requirements like high blood pressure or hypertension that demand a super-low sodium requirement. It's actually cheat day pizza that gets my sodium levels higher than the lower end. Yes, the lower sodium soups definitely help.
Technically, I can eat anything I want. Fitness gurus will encourage you with that, but it's important to understand the consequences. Yes, you could lose weight eating sour cream glazed donuts. If you only eat 3-4 a day and don't consume any more calories. You can lose weight eating low calorie any-kind-of-bullshit. But you're gonna be ravenous, I guarantee it. You'll probably take up eating your fingernails, hair, or giving up. Don't know about you, but I end up going a bit mad when I'm hungry so my biggest focus is often getting to eat as much as possible and still staying in budget. I don't just love food, I love feeling full. So if I fail to feel full, I end up eating those guilty junk foods and blowing my budget because it takes high calories and large portions to get there. This is part of the reason I go so low calorie early in the day. I do my workouts then, I get most of my errands done then. I need power foods and efficiency. Later in the day, when I want to replenish and heal myself, it's more about comforting and restoring, not thinking "damn, I'm so hungry I can't sleep. Maybe I should stay up until midnight and use some of tomorrow's budget." Yeah, I've been there too.
I know, I'm pretty long-winded, but that's the point of this blog. There are a lot of frustrations with those victories and I want people to take all that information out there and really look at it, play with it, and take it with a grain of salt. Have a low-sodium tolerance of bullshit and find what works. You don't have to make it a wheat grass and low-fat nightmare and you can't realistically expect to not change your eating habits and just exercise for hours every day to burn it off instead. Use the numbers and use your instincts. Find a balance rather than a quick fix. Long term healthy habits don't have to be torture, but sometimes you have to work hard to get to where it should be maintained. It's possible. But, as I have learned, be a little kinder to your goals when life throws a real explosion at you. Don't be too strict when dealing with illness or extreme emotional distress. You usually need every bit of your energy to get better. You can always renew your discipline when you can cope.
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