And great news it is! After being two weeks into my diet (which I will ruin tomorrow, following by picking it back up after this party), I went from just over 180 to *drummmmmmrolllll* 174 pounds! Yes, that's 6 lbs for an average of 3 lbs a week. No, I don't expect the results to always be this excellent, but keeping to my 1200 calories (although there were a couple of days where I went to 1500-- this is mostly due to extra strenuous activities that necessitated some added protein and carbs) and the daily one-hour walks and 30-50 minute PiYo sessions is paying off. I'm nowhere near as fit as Chalene Johnson, but I can effortlessly do strength and flexibility sets that people always try to say is easy until I get to be a LITTLE bit smug at their confusion when they fail. Hey, people, I had to work on this for nearly 8 months daily to get this far, so let me pat myself on the back. No, I'm not the arrogant sort, but because I'm not petite or a wall of muscle, I do believe people need a little demonstration to see how far I've come from the woman that could barely roll out of bed when my pain thresholds were at their worst.
So all these nights where I spread out that handful of bare minimum calories and had to sate my hunger with water and reminding myself of what I want more, they mean something. I'm not gonna have that goal, that body, until fall (and this is assuming that I could plateau or sink down to only a pound or two of weight loss) even as I stay this disciplined, but I WILL do this. My mom and grandma dying were hard blows but ultimately part of what drives me now. My family is proud of what I am doing for myself, my nephews like to try to do the sets with me.
Yes, it is very much about the support too. My best friend Joe and his wife Amy have really helped me pick the right workouts and diet ideas. They're in beast mode, way ahead of me, so they help me understand the pitfalls and right motivators. I am finding confidence in my strength, my clothes getting looser and the real possibility that those adorable clothes I couldn't fit into but bagged up will once again be worn. I am overcoming chronic pain, a condition that inevitably hits harder with increased depression. Yes, my moods are naturally improving. I'm not dreading sinking into black holes of despair because even when the dark moods hit, I know how to ride it out.
While on the subject, let me quickly say that I've had very real reasons to be depressed, but sometimes it was purely chemical; not triggered by actual threats or a dreaded situation. I still have to cope with invisible enemies and exercise is not a panacea. I can do all the right things and still see no results. This is temporary. I have talents, I'm not a bad looking person, I'm not irredeemable or broken beyond repair. Those aren't always things I can say and magically wave away the funk. I resent it just as much as the next person when I hear someone who never struggled with weight go on a diatribe about getting your fat ass to a gym. I have an elliptical, a recumbent, weights, my own little gym at home and I can hit those bastards twice as long as some people and still be overweight. I can eat lower than maintenance calories and still not lose a pound. It isn't so simple for all of us. Some people have medical or genetic conditions that don't exactly keep them big, but make it harder to even rev up their metabolism. I'll make a muscle for you; they're there under the padding, but they aren't burning on overtime. I am the healthiest I have been in a very, very long time. And let me tell you, some of those gym rats; they aren't exactly healthy. I've seen people going on crash and fad diets, using drugs, juicing, sometimes that hour they spend so they can be smug about it later? Yeah, sometimes that's the only damn exercise they get.
It's just really important to know yourself. For every time you feel good enough to meekly say you've lost 6 pounds working your ass off will be some snide chick telling you they lost 8 'doing nothing.' There's math involved-- they are doing something, whether it's heroin or not eating. Smile and tell them that's great. Be the hard-working one that gets the great skin, muscle tone, and discipline to enjoy the time you have on this earth. Make it last, savor it... reach those goals and sometimes eat greasy, unhealthy food that you'll have to work off later. This isn't about bragging how many vegetables you can eat either. You are working for what makes you happy-- make that the best news and let the rest roll off your shoulders.
Live by cliche mantras. Make the only person you are trying to be better than the person that you were yesterday.
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